Like the past couple of weeks, I’m exhausted before I start my training…
The plan is to swim 10km, which is to and from Abcoude. My mom has agreed to come walk beside me. I think I should’ve taken a restday before swimming the 10km but ah well, fuck it, let’s just get this over with!
So there we are, putting on my still wet wetsuit and my new goggles I bought at SwimGym yesterday. Hopefully these will be better. I put on my watch, jump in and the first shock of the cold paralyses me, more than before so I know the water has gotten colder.
Before I even get to the first bend of the Angstel I’m already out of breath. You swim faster in the beginning to warm yourself up, so that’s tiring, but you also take bigger breaths because it’s cold and you feel like you need more air, so that’s also tiring. All in all you’re exhausted before you’ve even gotten anywhere and I was just thinking to myself: how the hell am I ever going to swim there and back?
A little further than Café Restaurant de Punt I check my watch: 1,5km. So does my mom, who’s walking beside me: 1,06km. Fuck, my watch isn’t right. I already knew that but this difference is really big.
For the rest of the trip going to Abcoude I was so upset about it. It meant that every distance I had swum in open water wasn’t nearly enough. It meant that I had swum too little in the past weeks. It meant that maybe I hadn’t gotten as far as I thought I did.
I was so disappointed in myself. I was so exhausted from swimming. I didn’t know why I was doing this (I’ve been thinking that a lot more lately…) On the plus side the goggles were working really well and I wasn’t getting water in them at all, though I was still stressing a little that they might flood because that’s just what I was used to.
We stopped a lot so that I could drink some water and a piece of one of those chocolate energy bars. Well they make me have a runny nose, which isn’t per se pleasant, and I felt like they didn’t give me the energy I needed like the banana did the last time I swam that part. It felt like it just kept me going but it didn’t give me the energy boost I needed to continue.
When my watch eventually said 5km I got out at a little pier extremely exhausted (yes I know I use that word a lot but it has literally become part of my personality). I tell my mom I’m done, I don’t want to go further and I won’t make Abcoude.
My feet felt numb, I was cold, I had no more energy and all I wanted was a hot bath and to relax. “We can always call Annemarie if you’re too tired and cold.” My mom said. “Nah I’ll just swim a little bit the way back.” I replied and off I went.
I’ll just see if I can make it to the bend near the campsite, and well if I’m there I’ll swim to the mill. At the mill I might just swim to that next bridge. Well at the bridge I’m already nearly at the café and once at the café I can’t not swim home.
In that manner I got myself through it to swim everything back. People on the road were looking at my mother and then at me. She said they looked astonished that I was swimming: what the hell that girl doin’? We also ran into some people we knew and they said they were proud of me for what I was doing and trying to accomplish.
Meanwhile I was dying and just thinking of that hot bath. The last part, from the café to home, took really long. I had no more energy but I was determined to finish. Nearly there I checked my watch once: I had been swimming for 2 hours and 22 minutes. Quite a nice time to check! 😉
Finally home! I can take my bath!
It takes a really long to warm up and everything still feels numb. Finally dressed and warm I go downstairs. My dog is lying on the couch next to my mom and I just go to her, bury my face in her fur and start to cry.
This was on of the toughest trainings I’ve had. I was exhausted, done, disappointed in myself and I didn’t want to go on anymore. I wanted to rest. Take a break. Stop. What was I doing it for anyway?
I just ate some food, cuddled up, watched some tv, talked to a very close friend and I was already doing a lot better. I still just want a break. I’m exhausted and I need rest. I need to sleep for 100 hours to regenerate.
I just want my blanket, warm drinks and a special someone to cuddle up next to and fall asleep. Luckily I have that so I’m bound to feel better and be able to go on again. 🙂
I am taking a break tomorrow, though! I feel like I deserve it!
I am a nineteen-year-old girl from Baambrugge, a tiny village near Amsterdam, with big ambitions. I like to set big goals for myself, I like to explore my own boundaries and see if I can expand them.