Everything I write is pretty uncensored. It might also seem like all I do is struggle with my trainings. It just feels good to write about my downfalls because the moment you write it down, half of it already falls off your shoulders.
I think it might surprise you that you actually train your mind more than your body. A considerable amount more. It surprised me at least.
When I first got the idea I thought: ‘Piece of cake! If I just train enough it won’t be so radical.
I was so incredibly wrong! I’m just laughing at myself right now for ever thinking that.
The thing is, where your mind wanders off to in training really influences your results.
One training I was just imaging what I would do should I win the lottery. I was thinking of all the great things I would do with my life; I would feel so free and unencumbered and like I would have the ability to make a real difference in the world. Those thoughts made me feel good! 🙂
As a result the time flew by and before I knew it the training was over.
Now let me tell you what happens when the night before you’ve been flooded by feelings of incompetency and exhaustion.
When you dive in, the water feels so heavy. Every stroke demands ten times more your usual strength while at the same time your energy level has been reduced to about 40%. You’re out of breath after two laps even though you know you can swim for hours.
You question how it’s possible that a month ago you were able to get such good results that you were so proud of, but now you have to try twice as hard to accomplish 75% of that. What sucks is that you know you’re working your ass off but you know it’s not good enough. You know you can do better because you’ve done it before and so you think you’re not trying hard enough.
Training so much and so hard brings up a lot of things. You come so close to your own core and it’s extremely confronting. I am still dealing with a lot of emotional and psychological problems from the past years and it’s incredibly tough at times but I know I’ve chosen the right timing.
Training for a goal like this is really a life changing thing. I’m only in the middle of it but I’ve already learned so much. I don’t feel like I’m quite there yet but I’ve already acquired qualities and learned things that I will carry with me in my life. And they still keep on coming. 🙂
I am a nineteen-year-old girl from Baambrugge, a tiny village near Amsterdam, with big ambitions. I like to set big goals for myself, I like to explore my own boundaries and see if I can expand them.